Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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