i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
