he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
