From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
