I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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