But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
