he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
