i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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