I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
please don't ironically join a cult
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