I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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