Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
