So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
