just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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