i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
