You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
