I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
another moral hangover. fuck.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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