I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
