I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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