and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
