No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
