She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
