i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
