I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
