why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
