??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
