"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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