i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
