in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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