i just google imaged poop.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
