I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
