Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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