In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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