My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
