Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
