I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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