i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
