i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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