Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
