So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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