I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
