when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
