Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
