Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
