if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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