Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
