You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
