she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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