I'm so fucking centered right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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