I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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