oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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