For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
